What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 16:57
I could never make a relationship work though!
I waited trembling.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Can you share some of your favorite jokes that are not well-known but always make people laugh?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
How do you deal with neighbors who are always telling you what to do?
One cannot live in the past .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
How did my ex move on very fast?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
What are some ways to cope with paranoid thoughts about being gangstalked or targeted individuals?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What caused the decline of the Soprano crew?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Can you share the entire summary of your spiritual life?
Would this be the day?
But it wasn’t much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Why do I sweat so much after applying moisture or sun screen on my face? I have normal skin.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was seconnd youngest,
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What do people aim for when they meditate, and how do they do it properly?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
What celebrity do you admire the most?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I write beautiful poetry .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I think the readers, may guess!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was scared of men, in general
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She wouldn,t have been !
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was 9 years of age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I couldn’t, believe it.
She loved him until the end.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
All the time i was locked up.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He knew the spot.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And i lived it daily.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
This is soul school!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We all went to grammer schools
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Ive learnt so much.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
It was going to be , some day.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I will be 64.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was very sick at this time too.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My life is so biszare .
I have no regrets .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What did i know ?
Comes on , in middle age.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
So whats the point in blame.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
When she asked me how she looked .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Was to survive, this bastard.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She married twice! .
We were not on the streets..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She found it foreign!.
Who then, do I blame.?
She was in good health!
Im still living with it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But, we were locked up after school.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Put me off passion for life!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I said to her
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So, i spoilt her more .
(And it was in our own minds.)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.